This doubt...uncertainty...the plain old fact that I just don't believe in myself can be dibilitating! Quite the challenge as a creative person, these self sabotaging beliefs can be the biggest road blocks ever. As a creative, whenever you create something whether it be a painting or sculpture or a photograph, a garment or a craft, we put a huge part of ourselves into this. They, my photographs are who I am. They are a part of me, what I see, how I see it, and why I took this photo and not that one. So, how does one move past being one's own "biggest hurdle"? I wish I had the answer and I wish it were easy. I keep telling myself that after a lot of years of being told "you're not good enough", "you're not talented enough", you begin to believe it and you live it - it takes a lot of years to undo. It takes a lot of practice EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
My business is my life and what I live for. It is evolving every single day as new ideas flow freely - when I can let them. The past few weeks have been absolutely amazing. I have accomplished so much and then yesterday...BOOM - I ran, head on - into a very solid brick wall. Anxiety, lack of sleep, fear and a whole flood of emotions crept in OUT OF NOWHERE! The roller coaster ride is real and not very fun.
Today, Dot and I headed into the studio to get things set up for a client concept next week. Dot as my little model, we played and took a bunch of test shots of our idea...Then I thought to my self, "self" let's make you beautiful! I have been working more and more with people and I am finding that I actually really like it - a lot, but I need practice posing. Oh, believe me, I've tried the "natural" look and spontaneous, real people, let them be themselves thing, but when women head into their 50's, 60's and so on, that does not help...So, I practice on myself. Those of you that know me, know that I am not a girly girl and that I rarely wear makeup. My hair is usually up in a sloppy knot (because it's easy), tank top, flannel or fleece and jeans...sometimes boots, sometimes hikers, sometimes sneakers...pretty chill, so If I can make me look good, my goal is to make others look and feel good too. I don't show off before and afters very often - so DON"T LAUGH, but here you go....
Yes, I do a little editing, yes, I trim down my jowls and soften my skin just a hair. I don't wear makeup - remember? How do I feel about these test shots? I feel really good. No, they are not perfect, but neither am I. It is a process and I am on this journey both personally and creatively for me. Stay tuned. Hopefully there will be others who will be joining me on my journey.